Sarah Lehman
Contact
đź“§ sarah@sarah.social
Microblog
Do you ever have that moment when you look up to the sky and see a few buzzards, or turkey vultures, or whatever the fuck they’re called? And they’re doing all these acrobatics, and you start to think they’re performing? Like they’re showing off for you? They’re giving you a private exhibition? But then you realize they’re actually kind of swarming you Jaws-style? So you start to get a little nervous and wonder what’s going on? And then you remember you’re holding a soft pretzel? And you look down at the pretzel in horror and instinctively throw it as hard and as far away from you as you can? And it hits a child? In the face? And then the parent of the child who just got assaulted by a salty dough snack glares at you and escorts the child away because you’re “unsafe to be around”? And then you stand there, hungry and alone?
Yeah, me either.
Published Work
Bag of Clothes Intended For Donation Celebrates 2nd Year In Woman's Trunk
Flexx Mag
Tabby Cat In Open Relationship With Multiple Families In Neighborhood
Flexx Mag
11 Post-Hangout Texts to Make You Feel Better About Your Last Get-Together
Robot Butt
House Hunting Couple Gives Up, Moves Into Former Wet Seal In Abandoned Mall
Flexx Mag
Yikes! Obscure Music Buff's Favorite Song Featured In Toyota Commercial
Flexx Mag
Convincing Yourself You’re Antiques Roadshow’s Next Big Thing
Robot Butt
Things That I, A Millennial Born in the '90s, Would Rather Do than Make a Phone Call
Points in Case
Breaking: Old Photo Of Grandma Kind Of Hot?
Flexx Mag
Tips For Being a Totally Normal and Cool Person in Front of The Grocery Store Cashier
Robot Butt
Woman Laughs Out Loud at Insurance Commercial
Flexx Mag
If Cis Straight White Men Menstruated
McSweeney's
Child Labor Is Back, Baby! (Seriously, Are You a Baby? Because We're Hiring)
Points in Case
How to Tell if He Loves the Ancient Aliens TV Series Ironically, or Like, For Real
Funny-ish
I'm Your Neighbor's Trampoline and I'm Begging You to End My Hell of an Existence
Robot Butt
The Dollar Bill on the Wall of This Pizza Shop Is Sick of Being Out of Circulation
Points in Case
Say Hello to Satan, Your New Student Loan Servicer
McSweeney's
4 Tips to Avoid Your Passion and Vigorously Clean Things Instead
Humor Darling
I Endured an Unphotographed Hiking Trip
WryTimes
I'm Your 40oz Water Bottle, and This Has Been an Emotional Roller Coaster
Points in Case
BREAKING: Male Co-Worker Notices Haircut
Flexx Mag